We were the first of our group of friends to have kids. More notably, we were really the first of our
group of gay/lesbian friends to have kids.
I mean, we knew other couples who were trying to get pregnant, but we
were the first ones to cross the finish line so to speak. And it was important to us to make sure the
kids knew other kids in two mom/two dad households, but we also wanted the kids
to just have friends who had families that were diverse, regardless of their
makeup, because we wanted our kids to be able to live in a world where it
didn’t matter if the people they socialized with were like them, because they
knew that everyone had value and something to contribute to the world.
We knew we’d have to come out, over and over again, as a two
mom family. Daycare, school, the
pediatrician. Heck, we have had to come
out at restaurants, the bank, you name it.
We’ve had questions like “who’s their REAL mom?” and even had an awful
nurse ask me how I got pregnant if my partner is a woman. A NURSE.
Anyway, our approach has always been to be as open as
possible, because our family is our family and we never wanted the kids to feel
like they had to hide anything. Walking
into our first season of Little League, the twins were 3, about to be 4. And I have to admit openly that I was more
than concerned. Would a boy being raised
by two moms be teased by his teammates?
Would the other parents be inclusive of us? Would they say ignorant or hurtful things in
front of the kids? Our fears weren’t
going to stop us from signing him up, but we certainly walked into that first
team meeting with trepidation.
We were incredibly lucky to have had an amazing first
experience. We soon realized that the
experience was not exclusive. The second
season of Little League went well and none of our fears were realized.
And then we moved.
And the fears started all over again, because now we weren’t with a
group of kids who had been together since they were 3 years old. By the luck of the draw, Nate landed on a
team coached by “the two Matts”. Only
then, through that season, and the seasons that have followed, have we truly
realized how lucky we are to live where we live. Never once has anyone made us
feel like the “token” gay family. Quite
the opposite – we’ve formed amazing friendships with families who don’t see us
any differently than any other family.
I’m sure Nate isn’t the only kid with two moms or two dads in our Little
League, but he is the only one that has been on any of the teams he’s
participated on. And nobody cares.
This year, Nate not only played Little League, but he’s been
playing travel ball, and that brought together a group of families – some of
whom we knew and some we didn’t – that were going to be spending entire
weekends together at tournaments. And
yet, we’ve just become part of the backdrop of parents who take pictures and
pace and cheer and encourage all the kids.
I know we’re lucky.
It’s not like this everywhere.
Kids in gay families face ridicule and teasing and bullying and many live
in fear to have their kids participate in high profile activities in the
community like mine do. Julia is just
another gymnast on the team, and Nate is just another ball player – whether
it’s baseball or basketball or soccer.
They’re allowed to just be kids, and that’s how it should be, regardless
of whether you live in a blue state or a red state.
Julia recently said to me, “Dads are mean, I’m lucky.” She happened to be at a baseball tournament
watching the dads while their sons were on the ball field. I told her that wasn’t necessarily true, and
that moms can be mean too. I know for a
fact she doesn’t actually believe that dads are mean (some of her favorite
people are dads – I’m looking at you John Fenner and Matt Patereau), but it was
the first time either of the kids really took their family structure as a
source of pride, and I’m happy we’ve instilled that in them.
More importantly, it’s been amazing to watch the kids
develop relationships with other kids and their parents. They are invited to birthday parties and
celebrated on the field and at school and nobody gives a second thought to
anything other than they are Nate and Julia.
A ball player, and a gymnast. A
kid who loves Harry Potter and Star Wars, and a kid who loves drawing and fashion
and music. And oh yeah, they have two
moms.
I guess the whole point of this post is to act as a thank
you of sorts. To all the coaches and the
families and all the teachers who have embraced us. I know to most of you it is no big deal, it’s
who you are as people. You don’t see us
any differently. Maybe for some of you
we’ve changed your minds about families like ours, I don’t know. Just know that you being in our lives has
made a huge impact on us and our children.
I truly am beyond grateful for all of you, more than I’d ever be able to
tell you. Because I see your impact on
my kids each and every day, in their confidence and the ease at which they
carry themselves at school, on the field, in the gym, in the neighborhood.
It may not seem like much to you, but those two little
people are our world. And their world is
a better place because we know all of you.
