Barbie and Wii and TV - Oh My!

Look out folks, it’s about to get offensive around these parts. Well, maybe.

No, I’m not going drop f-bombs or talk about my girl parts.

We’re going to talk about toys. No, not THOSE kinds of toys. Kids’ toys. Dollhouses, and cars, and books and such.

The reality is, this post is part of a larger set of posts done all around the interwebs (is that the “in” term these days?) about how much we judge each other as parents. It all starts before our children are even conceived. Assisted Reproduction vs. “natural” conception vs. adoption. Natural or medicated childbirth? Breast vs. bottle? On and on and on. And it doesn’t stop once the children grow out of infancy. We judge each other for EVERY. single. parenting decision we see other people make. See a kid acting up in a restaurant? We assume “someone” doesn’t know how to handle discipline. Hear a mom chastising her daughter for acting up? We wonder why mom doesn’t understand that Tar.get isn’t interesting for a 3 year old and why can’t she be more laid back and relaxed? Mom’s texting while her kid is on the slide? GASP, what a neglectful parent she is! Mom stays home with her kids and homeschools? Her kids will grow up antisocial and mom will never have her own life.

When does it end? And why won’t we just end it?

Kids’ toys are an easy target. SUPER easy target. Come on, look at Barbie. Her unwieldy proportions and her hooker heels and lack of anatomically correct parts – the box should come with a warning – “other mothers will JUDGE YOU for purchasing this for your child.” Wii and Xbox games should have one that says “your house will become the house that other children whose parents won’t let them have video games flock to, stock up on cheetos.” DVD’s of Dis.ney movies should say “find your own rainy day solution when all you want is a shower and they won’t stop nagging you for Halloween candy.”

Don’t get me wrong, there are things I won’t buy for my kids and there are things that I think aren’t appropriate. I’m not some total slack off of a parent who lets her son (my daughter isn’t particularly interested in video games) play Grand Theft Auto at four years old after turning off the DVD stocked with horror flicks while his sister wanders around with a copy of the latest Danielle Steele in large print.

But I am that parent who will let her kids play bowling on the Wii and watch Toy Story and Tinkerbell and play with Barbie and plastic kitchens and Mc.Donald’s toys, and sings along with them to the latest in pop music.

Now, I have NO problem if that’s not you. If you want to only buy things without plastic parts or throw your TV out or teach that Dis.ney is evil, go right ahead. Seriously. I won’t judge you, and I will respect your wishes when invited to your kid’s birthday party and if you decide your kid can’t come to my house because he or she will be exposed to things you don’t approve of, fine. I don’t need convincing that too much TV is bad or too much time playing video games is not ideal, or that there are toys with lead in them, or that you think that buying the things I let my kids have thwarts their creativity. I am just as conscientious a mom as you are. I research lead content, monitor what they watch and for how long, and only allow age appropriate Wii games in the house. We read before bed EVERY night and we talk with them all the time about what is and isn’t appropriate language and dress for their age.

So my question is this. If I can be respectful because you choose NOT to buy those things or let your children watch tv or whatever, don’t I deserve the same respect? The reality is, the toy judgment is just ONE MORE extension of the mommy-lympics that goes on as soon as we conceive a child. And it has to stop. As parents we are really good at criticizing ourselves for our choices; really good at second-guessing ourselves; really good at feeling guilty for every indulgence or thing withheld from our children. Trust me. I’m a gold medalist in self-doubt. There’s enough judgment from within without having to deal with it from other moms too.

Barbie lives in my house. Actually lots of Barbies live there. So do Buzz Lightyear, two leapfrog Tag readers, a Disney Princess vanity, boatloads of books, cars, and dress up clothes, glittery princess lip gloss, and a crapload of other toys lots of people probably don’t approve of.

And two four-year olds live there. Two four-year olds who are learning to read, learning to swim, behave themselves in public and say please and thank you most of the time. They are happy, and healthy, and I spend every day making sure they are ok. If you have to judge me, judge me on that.